


So Hold Me Tight Or Don't

by FascinationStreet



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Character Study, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Kick It Era, M/M, Pining, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25185622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FascinationStreet/pseuds/FascinationStreet
Summary: AKA Nakamoto Yuta's Accidental Guide To How To Train Your Baby Dom In 5 Easy Steps!---Yuta has always had a soft spot for Mark, ever since he showed up to SM with basic-at-best Korean and one of the biggest smiles Yuta had seen in his life. They all have a soft spot for Mark; he just inspires that kind of love in people.But Yuta wants more.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 50
Kudos: 455





	So Hold Me Tight Or Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god this was originally supposed to be like 5k max and it ended up being this behemoth. 
> 
> The original idea came from Kat so this one's for you baby. Also shout out to my loving and supportive wife Rae who laughed at me every time I sent her a screenshot of the wordcount and who absolutely knew this would not be short. 
> 
> Thank you sO much to [Wendy](https://twitter.com/wendymakespuns) for the amazing editing job on this!! <3

Yuta is pretty good at getting what he wants. Maybe it doesn't always happen in the way he imagined it or last for as long as he’d like it to, but he’s pretty pragmatic that way. He gets what he wants and he’s happy with that.

He’s more than prepared to put the work into it, and he has patience enough to rival any saint. He’s good at going with the flow and trusting it to take him where he needs to be.

He wanted to be a soccer player, and for a while he was. Then he wanted to be an idol, and here he is. It’s as simple as that. Or, really, it isn’t actually that simple, but he put the work and the time in and he achieved what he set out to do, so in a way it really was easy.

He wanted to be successful, have stability, be able to give back to his parents for everything they’ve done for him, and in some way or other he’s managed to do all of it. 

Yuta is happy. That’s what’s important, more than anything else. He’s surrounded by pretty good people and he knows his place in the world and is comfortable with that, and he did it on his own merit and without throwing anyone else under the bus. 

He doesn’t lust after fame or money, though both came along in their own time. He doesn’t want things just because other people have them either—he has enough to be comfortable and that’s all he needs. He’s never felt like wanting things made him greedy, it just meant that he was maybe a little more self aware than other people. 

Being into guys is something he knew about himself from a pretty early age; the way he would pay far more attention to the other boys on the soccer team in the changing rooms while they would talk about the girls in the stands. The way his heart would race far more when one of the guys slung their arm around his neck after a game than when he scored a goal or caught girls giggling at him as he walked past them in the hallways.

It’s something he’s kept quiet, especially when he came to Korea. Not out of any kind of shame, but out of the acceptance that it’s not quite as unremarkable to everyone else as it is to him. 

He’s had crushes on the other boys before, and he’s never been shy about that fact either. He was always happy enough to moon over them from a distance, the realist streak in him remembering how slim the chances were that they’d feel the same way about him. He never dreamed about them suddenly realising that they were madly in love with him or even them returning his feelings beyond the love between friends. He’s happy with that, is what it always comes back to. 

In the broadest sense, Yuta is  _ happy  _ with his life.

Maybe he pokes and prods certain situations a little until he gets a taste of something more, like getting Winwin to act out the best scenes from romance animes with him or making the others feed him bites of their food when they want him to try it instead of using his own perfectly capable hands, but it’s always freely given. He never pushes too far or asks for more than he gets.

This, he thinks, might be pushing it a little though. 

Yuta has always had a soft spot for Mark, ever since he showed up to SM with basic-at-best Korean and one of the biggest smiles Yuta had seen in his life. They all have a soft spot for Mark; he just inspires that kind of love in people. 

But Yuta wants more. 

He’s had crushes on the boys before. First, fleeting and more admiration than anything else, with Taeyong, then much worse with Winwin. 

They were hard, and he wanted more sometimes, but he did well enough just by spending time with them alone in dorm or hotel rooms. Long meandering conversations lit by the soft glow of alarm clock displays gave him far more satisfaction than he would have gotten from a hurried kiss that would probably be taken back later. 

This, with Mark, feels different. He  _ wants _ . Wants to push, wants to take, wants all the things he’d told himself he didn’t need.

He wants Mark to look at him the way he looks at Mark, wants him to touch him like he touches Mark. 

Mark isn't as shy as he used to be, back when he was just a kid being thrust into the spotlight who didn't understand that before long he’d end up being heralded as the future of the industry. 

Yuta is so proud of him, of how much he's grown up. 

He’s proud of the way he talks, the way he walks, the way he holds himself. He might not be able to see how bright his star shines as much as the rest of them can, but he's far more comfortable in his skin than he used to be. 

Now he doesn't run a mile when someone tries to touch him, lets them pull him into hug piles and doesn't go stiff as a board until they let him go again. He's lost the skittishness of someone desperate to prove himself, someone who wanted to find a place where he could fit in. 

He still gets a little stiff on camera, but they're working on it. They've managed to get him to a place where he laughs nervously rather than pulling away, at least. He’s moved from barely tolerating it to an acceptance and understanding that they can’t quite contain their affection as much as he’d maybe like. 

Yuta isn't satisfied with that though. 

It's easy enough to make it clear to him just how much Yuta needs Mark’s attention and his affection and his time; he just tells Mark that he wants it. 

The other boys are so used to the way Yuta acts; it's just the same as he is with all of them, if maybe a few shades more intense. 

When they go out for dinner he makes a scene about saving Mark the chair next to him, when they're on a variety show he chooses Mark for just about everything (whether or not it's actually appropriate for the game) just to make him laugh, when they flop down on the cool wood floor of the practice room for a break he always makes sure part of him is touching Mark. 

It's the little things, things that he has always done with his flavour of the month to satisfy his own needs for closeness and contact, things he did with Winwin for months. 

But even that's not enough now. 

There's a heaviness in his gut when he sees Mark now, like he's swallowed a lead weight. It makes him giddy like too much wine on an empty stomach, makes him think about what it would be like to be able to touch Mark as more than a friend. 

He starts small. After all, he doesn't want to freak Mark out, because as much as he's more tolerant of the group's love now, he's still easily spooked. 

Yuta might be treading into uncharted waters but he's still got his patience; it's better to start slow and let Mark get used to it than get  _ too  _ greedy. All he needs are small indulgences to keep that greed at bay, something just to sate it enough not to cause problems. 

Stage One is making decisions. 

They're getting ready to go and record Music Bank. They'll be descended upon by a team of stylists when they get there, but he doesn't know what to wear to actually get to the studio. Which presents the perfect opportunity for him to test out his plan. 

He texts Mark to see if he's ready and when Mark replies with a ‘ _ yes’  _ and a ridiculous amount of emojis, he tells Mark to come to his room. Taeil has been ready for ages now, and has been lounging on his bed with his nose stuck in a book since they all had lunch together. 

Mark taps on the open door and invites himself in to flop onto Yuta's bed, narrowly avoiding the pile of clothes thrown onto it. 

"What should I wear, Markie?"

Yuta doesn't have that much to choose from in his wardrobe that isn't black. He's really not that concerned about how hard it'll be to throw something together for the few moments they'll be seen outside going to and from the van, but he has an idea and he wants to test it out. 

"What should you wear? What does it matter, you're only going to be seen for like two minutes, just pick something comfortable," Mark says. The little half grin that Yuta loves so much pull at the consonants and stretch them out a little as he says it. 

"Mark, you know the paparazzi are going to be taking photos, we have to make a good impression." Yuta does an amazing impression of actually caring about what a bunch of people who are basically stalkers take photos of him wearing. Maybe he should look into acting.

Mark makes a little _ oh  _ sound like he actually thinks Yuta has a point and sits up to pick through the pile next to him on the bed. 

"Could you not have asked Taeil-hyung?" He says idly while he holds two shirts up to compare them and then discards both of them. 

"He's more interested in his book," Yuta says, faking hurt, "plus, you know what his sense of fashion is like." 

There's nothing wrong with Taeil's style sense, but Yuta is more than willing to throw him under the bus. Taeil only grunts in reply to hearing his name and doesn’t stop reading. 

"What about this one?" Mark says eventually, holding up a mostly plain black tee that Yuta is sure is slightly too small, "it makes your shoulders look really good." 

Yuta takes it from him to consider as if he isn't going to happily wear whatever Mark tells him to, then shoots him a little smirk. 

"Didn't know you'd been paying attention, little Markie. Guess that extra work in the gym has paid off." 

Mark's cheeks go red, but he doesn't scramble over himself to come up with an excuse for looking at Yuta's body, which is a very interesting development. If nothing else it means Mark is comfortable, and that's what Yuta wants more than anything. That's why he's taking it so slow in the first place. 

A few days later he, Mark, and Jungwoo are on a coffee run before practice. Mark has the list and he's running through everyone's order to make sure it's all there when he realises Yuta's order isn't written down. 

"What are you getting, Yuta? Let me write it down so I don't forget," he says, chewing on the end of the pen. Yuta smiles. 

"Hmm, I'm not really feeling my usual today," he says, pretending to study the menu boards above the counter seriously, "but there's so much to choose from." 

He pretends to think for a few moments more before he looks back at Mark. 

"Why don't you choose for me, I'll just hold everyone up." 

Mark’s face goes blank for a second. It makes him look like he's a deer in the headlights and Yuta smiles again without meaning to. He's just too cute. 

"Uuuhhh, okay. But like, what do you feel like? Something hot, cold? Something with caffeine in or, like, a smoothie o—" 

"Anything is fine, Markie. I trust your judgement," Yuta cuts him off, and steps to the side when the barista asks who's next so Mark can put the order in. 

He purposely pulls Jungwoo over to the serving hatch to wait for the trays of drinks so he can't hear Mark ordering over the noise of the steamers and background conversation. He wants it to be a surprise. 

When they're back in the car with the drinks and on the way to meet everyone in the studio, Mark hands him a cup and he takes a sip, eyes locked with Mark. It's a caramel macchiato. 

It wouldn't be his first choice, but Mark chose it and he's happy enough with it. 

He takes another, larger sip and gives a satisfied sigh. 

"It's perfect," he says, grinning at Mark's relieved smile. 

It’s just a bit of fun, he rationalises to himself later, his chest full from thinking about Mark. It’s innocent enough and no one is getting hurt, so what if he has an ulterior motive?

He’s not ashamed to admit that he likes being told what to do. He’s pretty flexible in bed, in more than one way, but Yuta has always gotten off on being ordered around and used more than anything else. 

And Mark, as much as Yuta loves him, is soft and sweet and shy. He’s not afraid to tell them all what he thinks, but he still has that innate respect for his hyungs that prevents him from ever pushing it too far. Or, in Yuta’s mind, not far enough. 

Yuta doesn’t actually want to change that, not something that’s so innately  _ Mark _ that sometimes it takes his breath away. Except that actually, he does want to change it, just a little bit. 

He wants Mark to hit him back when they play fight, he wants Mark to steal the popcorn out of his lap when they’re watching movies together instead of asking for it, he wants Mark to take control. 

Yuta dreams of Mark with a steely glint to his eyes and a tone that invites no questions telling him to strip, or get to his knees, or open his mouth. Dreams of Mark’s hands tight around his wrists, dreams of choking on his dick. 

That’s a little too far though. The image doesn’t have Mark’s sweet smile or big bambi eyes, it’s just not quite  _ him _ . He’s not sure if he's thinking with his heart, his dick, or his brain, or maybe some hellish combination of the worst parts of all of them, but god, he wants it. 

He wants it to be real, wants Mark to feel like he can take control of Yuta, that he can put him in his place. 

Maybe he’s completely barking up the wrong tree by trying to get Mark used to these little moments of control, of having Yuta’s trust to act in his best interest. Maybe Mark isn’t into any of that kind of thing, maybe he’s not into guys or maybe he could be, but wouldn’t be into Yuta, or any other combination of things that means that Mark wouldn’t be into this like Yuta is. 

But that doesn’t stop Yuta wanting to give him that control, even if it’s over something as small as how he wears his hair that day or what shoes to buy. 

So he just doesn’t stop. 

Mark invites Yuta and Taeyong to go out for barbecue with 99 line. Yuta didn’t even plan this one, it just feels like a bonus that the universe has given him because he’s been on his best behaviour. Well, he thinks, mostly on his best behaviour but he isn’t actually a saint. Maybe fate thinks he and Mark are meant to be or that Yuta deserves to shoot his shot. 

Ever the respectful dongsaeng, Mark pulls out chairs for the rest of the boys and waits for everyone else to sit, even the WayV boys. Yuta feels a little smile playing around the corners of his mouth at how Mark is so used to being one of the youngest that he forgets that he’s the second oldest of 99 line. That, and he’s just got those good old Canadian manners drummed so far into him that he can’t turn them off. 

Everyone sits down and, with a little bit of assertiveness, Yuta gets the seat to the left of Mark. There’s six of them, three on each side, so it’s a tight fit. Not that he’s complaining. 

Xiaojun and Hendery apparently chose the place and Yuta is glad for it. He hasn’t had much of a chance to get to know them. Taeyong is sat in between them on the other side of the table, and Lucas takes up the space to the right of Mark. He’s not sure if Yong meant to split them up so they could talk easier, or if they flanked him; he was too busy shouldering his way to Mark’s side to pay attention. 

Either way, while they pick at a platter of fresh bread slices and spreads, Yuta talks to Xiaojun. His Korean is tentative, and Yuta finds himself smiling sympathetically at the awkward pauses that happen while he searches for a word. He remembers those days so well. Xiaojun doesn’t look shaken by it or nervous at all, but he seems like a still waters run deep kind of guy, so Yuta tries his best to give him the time to think and to talk clearly without it coming off as being patronising. 

Hendery doesn’t seem to have the same problem, already engaged in some kind of quickly heating debate with Lucas and Mark in rapid fire Korean that has even Lucas looking a little lost. Mark has a huge grin on his face and Yuta immediately decides that he likes Hendery. 

When the waiter comes Yuta opens his menu between him and Mark and asks Mark what he thinks Yuta should order.

Mark shoots him a little look like he thinks Yuta is about to laugh and tell him he’s joking, but Yuta is serious and Mark coughs nervously before he leans in to look at the menu. He points out a couple of dishes that he thinks Yuta might like, then trails off when he realises Yuta isn’t paying attention because he’s looking at the waiter and smiling. 

“Why don’t you just order for me, Markie?” Yuta says.

Mark gulps and turns dutifully to the waiter. 

He orders bulgogi and kimchi, pretty safe bets but still very much appreciated, and Yuta grins at him when Mark turns back to see his reaction. 

Once he’s satisfied that Yuta is happy with what he’s chosen he turns back to the conversation.

Lucas orders soju for the table and Yuta holds his glass out for Mark to pour into once he’s finished with his own. 

While they wait for starters they chat about each other's schedules and plans, going over the latest releases and trying to work out if they’re going to have any breaks at the same time. 

Yuta leans back in his chair, smiling and adding comments here and there, but more focussed on the warmth of Mark beside him. When he laughs at one of Mark’s jokes he reaches out as if to grab onto him for support. Instead of going for his arm he slides a hand onto his thigh and leaves it there, squeezing it occasionally to get his attention.

Mark’s cheeks get steadily more flushed the more he does it, but Yuta can’t be sure if it’s because of him or the alcohol or a bit of both. 

After the first course Hendery starts telling a story about one of Yangyang’s legendary pranks that backfired on him and Lucas laughs so much he almost tips his chair backwards. He seems to have the same idea as Yuta, because he also grips onto Mark’s thigh under the table and shows no sign of planning to move it now that it’s there.

At some point Lucas looks down and notices Yuta’s hand, still resting high on Mark’s leg with his fingers just brushing the seam of his pants. He looks up and locks eyes with Yuta, raising his eyebrows slightly.

Yuta raises his own in return and purses his lips. Lucas bobs his head and smiles, pulling his hand back and resting it on the table instead. 

That’s pretty interesting. 

Mark did talk about Lucas a lot when the latter first debuted and they got to hang out all the time but Yuta never really thought about it, what with how infatuated with Winwin he was at the time. Now he wonders if he’s missed something more going on between them. Maybe he’ll ask Mark about it later, just out of interest. But judging from Lucas’ reaction he’s fairly sure there’s nothing to worry about. It looked like Lucas got the message, anyway. 

It only takes another few weeks to get Mark pretty much acclimated to the idea of making choices without checking with Yuta first. 

When he makes himself a drink he sometimes makes one for Yuta, watching while Yuta drinks it. More often than not when they’re going somewhere, Mark will come to his room to see what Yuta is wearing or offhandedly tell him to wear something when he passes Yuta in the lounge on the way to his room. 

The first time Mark comes up to him to give him a hair band and tells him to wear his hair up because it’s going to be humid today, Yuta has to excuse himself to be alone for a few minutes. 

It’s not that it’s innately arousing, and he’s not turned on by it, really. Maybe his heart is turned on rather than his dick. It just feels so fucking good having a taste of what he’s been craving from Mark all this time. The casual assurance in Mark’s voice that whatever he says, Yuta will listen and take note. 

Stage Two involves careful exposure to casual contact. 

Mark isn’t a super touchy person like the rest of them are. That’s totally chill and they all respect it, but they’ve all worked together to ease him into skinship, for them as much as for Mark. He spent most of his formative years in Canada where skinship just isn’t a concept, so it’s natural that he would find it a bit weird. But to the rest of them it’s as natural as breathing. Yuta didn’t really grow up with that either if he’s honest, but he’s always been a tactile person, especially with people he loves. 

So over the years they’ve at least gotten rid of the habit Mark had of flinching whenever someone as much as brushed a hand against him. He’ll wrap a friendly arm around someone’s shoulders or hug them back, but he still doesn’t initiate anything, not really. 

Yuta is about to change that. 

Like with the decision making he doesn’t want to completely change Mark, he just wants him to be a little more open to these things, even if it’s only with Yuta. Especially if it’s only with Yuta. 

He starts with small touches, just to get his attention or brushing imaginary fluff off his shoulder. Then he moves onto light touches on his arm or his back when they’re talking. 

He takes a leaf out of Lucas’ book and grabs Mark’s wrist for support when he laughs. He never grabs his hand, because he knows that’s one of those No Go Areas for now. 

It would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about Mark’s weird sensitive zones. They’re not physically sensitive, but they’re like, mentally sensitive. He’s pretty sure that touches on his hands or his neck or his face are a much higher level of intimacy that Mark just isn’t ready for yet. He respects that. 

Yuta spends time watching the way he interacts with the rest of his group. The way he shies away from Haechan when he’s at his loudest because he knows he’s going to be tugged and pulled and kissed. The way he relaxes when he’s around Johnny because Johnny is Safe and only ever touches him in the pre-approved North American Bro ways. He’s not sure when he started capitalising things in his head, but there’s definitely something to the way that Johnny, having grown up in Chicago, knows what’s too much for Mark and stays clear of it. 

Johnny’s emotional intelligence is pretty on point and Yuta wonders whether he consciously touches Mark differently to the rest of them or if he just knows without knowing. Neither of those options would surprise him.

Mark is definitely most comfortable around Johnny and Jaehyun, but when he needs some quiet or reassurance he always goes to Taeyong or Taeil. Which, as a bonus, means that Mark spends a lot of time in Yuta and Taeil’s room and there must be at least some kind of secondary association between calm and Yuta. 

Taeyong’s room may as well have a revolving door, since they all spend so much time with him just soaking up his aura. Doyoung especially should probably just buy another set of pillows for the amount of times he ends up spending the night and pretending he slept on the floor when they all know Yong would rather sleep on the floor himself than let one of them do it. Spending time with Taeil brings its own risks, specifically Haechan. Taeil is a fountain of calmness and knowledge and light, but he’s always been Haechan’s Hyung. They quite literally go together like sun and moon and half of the time when Mark needs quiet, it’s literally just to get away from Donghyuck. 

So that leaves Yuta, his backup cuddle buddy. They don’t actually cuddle, not that often anyway, even though Yuta would love nothing more. He purposely leaves any of his schemes and master plans at the door when Mark shows up looking like he needs to vent or just not have to talk for a while. He wants to be the person Mark goes to when he needs something, whatever it is, and that means that Mark needs to be able to trust him not to pull something unexpected on him. He needs to be what Mark needs, not what he needs. 

Because Mark, he decides, is kind of like a shy dog. You can acclimate a dog to touch easily, but if you don’t go slow and don’t respect their space or the way they respond, the dog will learn to avoid you. Mark gets wary of Jungwoo and Haechan sometimes because of how much they are, usually climbing into his lap or kissing his face, and only doing it more when they see his reaction or when he tries to get away. It’s all fun and games, they never mean any harm, but from the outside it’s easy to see when Mark decides he’s had enough and they don’t listen. 

He knows Mark loves them, and it’s not like he hates being touched all together, he just wishes they wouldn’t do it as much.

So no, Yuta doesn’t use Mark’s moments of vulnerability to get closer to him. He puts it all aside and lets Mark set the pace and the tone. And in a way, that’s exactly what Yuta is trying to get at in the first place: he wants Mark to be able to take what he needs from Yuta, whatever that may be. 

Sometimes Mark is feeling really shitty when he shows up at Yuta’s door, head bowed. Usually it’s because he feels homesick, and that’s always been Yuta’s speciality. Ever since Mark first came to Korea and was practically half the height he is now with not even half the confidence in his Korean or in himself, he’d always end up with Yuta. 

He’s not sure what it is that he actually does for Mark, given that most of the time he just opens his arms and lets Mark come as close or as far as he needs, but it’s always seemed to work. Once Johnny showed up and started training with them full time, Yuta was pretty sure that he would take Yuta’s place, given that he’s the closest thing to home Mark could hope to find in the company. 

But it never happened. 

As much as he loves Johnny and just wants what’s best for Mark, he never stopped coming to Yuta. He half suspects that it’s because maybe Johnny is too much of a reminder of home, and sometimes too much of a good thing isn’t as good as you’d think it would be. For whatever reason it actually is, Yuta is so glad for it. Mark helps his homesickness too; something about having to put his longing aside to help with Mark’s, about how probably telling him all of the things he thinks will help is like telling himself them too. 

It’s a pretty good way to judge how comfortable Mark is with him, when he thinks about it. There’s enough time between the days Mark needs to curl up on the end of his bed and vent that any difference in their relationship is evident in how close Mark sits, how much he apologises for needing to talk, how many times he trips himself up trying not to say anything disrespectful about Yuta or any of the members or staff. 

Even if Mark did need to rant about one of the members, Yuta wouldn’t say anything. He might make a few subtle hints if they were doing something bad or maybe weren’t doing something that they should, but he would never outright say it. 

He prefers to lead by example, anyway.

The casual touches are part of that. As much as Yuta covets Mark’s touch he’s happy that the other boys are following his lead and making Mark that much more comfortable with their skinship. 

He’s even stopped flinching as much when Donghyuck and Jungwoo get too excited. 

Yuta takes advantage of it as much as he can. He brushes against Mark when they pass in the hallways, hooks his chin over Mark’s shoulder to see what he’s doing in the kitchen, fluffs his hair up when it’s starting to look a little flat. 

He tugs on his sleeve or his arm when he wants Mark to move somewhere, and he sometimes even brushes his fingers against the back of Mark’s hand while he does it. He still doesn’t grab his hand; he doesn’t want to be the one to cross that barrier, but just feeling the smooth skin of his hand is enough for now. 

When they start the final choreography rehearsals for Neo City Yuta becomes Mark’s personal masseuse. 

He knows that Mark, Taeyong, and Haechan are all pushed that little bit further, asked to do that little bit more. They step up to the plate every time. Yuta doesn’t think any of them have it in them not to meet expectations, but the three of them are all the same shade of dumbass when it comes to trying to meet ridiculous expectations without considering their health. 

They can all see it really, the way Taeyong has to ease himself down slowly when they have breaks, careful of his cramping muscles. More than one he’s seen Johnny fussing over his fingers, making sure the splint is in place and secure before they go again. 

They can see the heat pads and pain patches standing out stark against Hyuck’s skin and the way he downs his bottle of water in slow and measured sips after learning the hard way too many times that drinking it in one go only results in it coming back up the second he starts dancing again. Taeil and Doyoung usually have him covered when his voice gets strained and scratchy, the two of them boiling water and mixing in the honey and lemon they always seem to carry around with them. 

They can see it in the way Mark goes quiet when he collapses against the wall and slides down, already playing back all of the little mistakes and missteps he made that are so obvious to him but pass unnoticed by everyone else. Yuta has seen the trembling in his legs when he’s pushed too much and the way he subtly tries to knead the twitching out of his muscles. 

Yuta worries about all of them. He always makes sure he carries extra painkillers in his backpack after they did the interview where they all had to turn them out and he saw the portable pharmacies that came out of Yong and Hyuck’s bags, that he scans the room when he goes to the water fountain to refill to make sure everyone has enough to drink. He orders flats of gatorade and sport drinks to be delivered to the dorm and leaves them next to the refrigerator in the kitchen so everyone can take them as and when they need.

This is the only time Yuta disregards the rules and the boundaries he’s set himself. When Mark is winding himself into tighter and tighter spirals and not leaving himself enough room to breathe, Yuta is there. He sits next to Mark against the wall until he hears the hitch in his breathing. Then he wraps an arm around Mark’s shoulders and pulls him into his side and just lets him breathe to the rhythm of Yuta’s thumb stroking over his shoulder blade. 

He knows Mark would never ask it of him or anyone else, partly because he thinks he should be good enough not to need it, and partly because Yuta doesn’t think that he actually realises when he needs something to keep him grounded. 

It’s not always Yuta that does it, sometimes it’s Johnny or Jaehyun that get there first with well-meaning punches, or even Haechan—when he should be resting himself—pulls Mark out of his own head with loud words and an even louder voice but soft eyes and a well meaning heart. 

Sometimes Mark just needs different things. Yuta doesn’t hold it against him. 

Even if he only needs Yuta’s steady presence once in a blue moon, it’s worth it to see the light come back to Mark’s eyes and hear his whispered “Thanks, Hyung.” 

Which brings him to Stage Three. Get rid of the Hyung. 

Mark isn’t as bad as he used to be when he addresses the members. Yuta doesn’t think he’ll ever forget seeing Mark calling Taeyong Hyung-nim and bowing to him. Now when he calls them hyung it’s a lot more casual, and possibly more out of habit than anything else. Either way, while Mark still calls him Hyung there’s that invisible barrier between them, the implication that by being a few years older than him Yuta somehow has authority over him. He doesn’t want that, so it has to go. 

The first few times he corrects Mark for calling him anything other than Yuta, Mark gives him the bambi eyes, confused and off-balance. It’s like he’s suddenly forgotten that Yuta has a name and that he can use it, that there are other ways to address him than Hyung. Bro, bud, pal, dude, anything is better than Hyung and they’re all words that Mark uses regularly, but his brain has temporarily misplaced them in his memory banks and he just kind of stares blankly until Yuta laughs him off. 

Maybe doing it in front of other people is too much too fast. 

The next time he tries it Mark is sitting on the kitchen counter next to him while Yuta cuts up pieces of watermelon to make smoothies. He can’t say he’s particularly bothered about them himself, but Mark asked him to help him make them for everyone for dinner that night, so he is. Since they had a day off and they were finally back from the shows for a while they decided to all have dinner together out on the roof. 

Of course what Mark actually meant when he asked Yuta to help is that he would supervise while Yuta does all the work. He doesn’t mind, though. How could he mind when this is exactly what he wanted from Mark in the first place? 

Every now and then Mark reaches out to steal a chunk of melon while Yuta pretends to stab at his hand with the knife before he uses it to nudge a piece to the end of the chopping board. 

Once he’s done he tips the first lot of melon into the blender, losing another few pieces to Mark’s nimble and greedy little fingers. 

“Lee Minhyuck,” Yuta chides gently, any actual sincerity to it completely outweighed by the grin he feels on his face, “it’s a good thing you bought more melons because you’re going to end up eating a whole one before we even finish the smoothies, you little thief.” 

Mark just grins at him, sunny and unrepentant.

“It’s not my fault it’s really good Hyung,” he smiles, licking a drop of juice off the side of his finger. Yuta’s eyes do not linger on the pink of his tongue, no matter what anyone says. They can’t prove it.

“Mark, how many times have I told you to just use my name?”

There’s a pause before Mark swallows his mouthful of melon heavily.

“Uh, what?” he tries, and Yuta shakes his head. It’s only a little fond. 

“You don’t have to call me Hyung, just use my name. It’s not disrespectful if I ask you to do it.” He gestures for Mark to pick some mint leaves off the little plant in the pot sitting on the other side of him and watches Mark drop them into the blender jug.

“It’s weird though,” he says, relaxing back into the cabinets and kicking his feet a little. 

“It doesn’t really mean anything to me, you know. They don’t use them in Canada and I grew up with totally different forms of address anyway.”

Yuta smiles at him again and turns the blender on to pulse the first lot of melon.

“Do the Dreamies call you Hyung?” He asks once he’s pouring the mix into one of the giant mason jars with the tap in the bottom that Taeyong apparently pulled out of thin air—which Yuta is pretty suspicious of. It’s a mystery for another time though, especially when it’s coming in pretty handy now. 

“Only when they’ve done something wrong,” Mark wrinkles his nose, “or when they’re trying to be annoying.”

Yuta laughs at him and slices open the next watermelon. 

“See,” he says, “you don’t make them call you Hyung and it’s not weird.”

Mark watches him, his lips pursed slightly while he thinks it over. 

“I guess,” he says eventually, plucking the piece of melon Yuta offers him on the end of the knife, “still feels a bit odd.”

“I think it would be nice,” Yuta says carefully. He doesn’t want to push it too hard, but he needs to show Mark that he really doesn’t care if Mark speaks to him informally. He wants it.

“What if I used the Japanese word instead?” Mark asks, leaning forward and kicking his legs again, “what would I call you?” 

Yuta stops cutting, staring at the chopping board for a second. 

His traitorous heart wants to tell Mark to use Chan. He can feel the horrible, guilty little flutter in his chest when he imagines how it would sound coming out of Mark’s mouth, something he so desperately wants even though it wouldn’t mean anything since Mark wouldn’t get the significance behind it. 

He swallows, his throat suddenly dry. Maybe he should be the one stealing melon chunks.

“Just call me Yuta,” he manages eventually, looking up at Mark to smile at him, even though he can feel the strain of it, “that’s enough for me.” 

It takes Mark a while to get it, and he still calls him Hyung sometimes, but it definitely seems to take this time. 

And just like that, the rest of the boys pick up on it. No one says anything, mercifully, but when Yuta actually thinks about it he’s probably just sped up something that was already starting to happen. Haechan had already started dropping any kind of title or pretext of formality or respect when he talked to everyone but Taeyong and Johnny. One reason is because no matter how bratty he likes to pretend to be sometimes, he will always respect Taeyong as their leader and the other, Yuta suspects, is because he and Johnny seem to enjoy it a little too much. But that’s none of his business. 

Once they’d all been training together for a few years, the innate hierarchy of a mixed-age group started to melt away naturally as they went from strangers to group mates to friends, and this is just the next logical step. None of them have pulled each other up on it before and they’re not going to start now. 

Before Yuta knows it, weeks and weeks have passed, all with him training Mark to trust his instincts more, to take control more. To feel the confidence in himself and to use it. 

He tolerates Yuta’s touches without even blinking now, and doesn’t try to subtly shrug him off after he’s had enough of it. He lets Yuta play with his fingers while they’re sitting against the wall in the practice room or waiting for Taeyong to finish cooking dinner for them. He lets Yuta link him when they’re walking down the stairs in the dorm instead of taking the lift even though it makes it weirdly hard to go down them properly. He lets Yuta massage his shoulders before they start practice, like Mark is Rocky about to go into the ring to fight for the title.

Yuta’s stomach still jumps every time Mark initiates anything though. It feels good knowing that Mark is happy to humour him and doesn’t mind Yuta spending time with him, but it’s something else entirely to know that Mark actively wants to spend time with Yuta.

He feels a warmth in his stomach every time he thinks of the times Mark has done exactly what Yuta wanted him to do, which is to do what  _ he  _ wants to do. He’s dragged Yuta shopping for gifts for his Mom for her birthday because he wanted to do something special for her this year. He’s made Yuta practice with him after everyone else left because he had schedules with SuperM and wanted to get the new choreography for Firetruck nailed down before he did anything else. He’s forced Yuta to watch so many buddy cop movies that Yuta can’t tell any of them apart anymore. He never knew there were so many of them, and all of the plots were almost identical that by the twentieth one they watched Yuta didn’t even need to ask Mark to put the subtitles on for him anymore. 

At least if they’re ever in some kind of drugs bust or a weapons smuggling ring he won’t have to ask Mark or Johnny to translate anything for him because he has that shit on lock. 

Then it’s Christmas, and Yuta has no idea what to do. None of them are going home this year, but that’s not really any different to normal. They have shows to do, fans to entertain, pockets to line. 

It’s not the only time Yuta gets a little cynical about being an idol, but it is the worst. He doesn’t see why they can’t have a couple of days to themselves over Christmas where they can choose what to do. Whether they use it to go home just to be there for a proper family Christmas for the first time in years, or even just to have their own Christmas together with all of them in the dorm. And he means all of them, no matter what the company might pretend when they’re promoting; the WayV boys are NCT too. They belong with them. 

It would be pretty nice to have Kun’s gentle smile or Lucas’ hugs or Ten’s rusty Japanese around for a few days. It’s probably the closest he’s going to be to being home for a while. 

He tries to shake himself out of his mood. It never gets him anywhere when he thinks like that, other than pulling him into a worse mood than when he started and leaving him with no way to drain his body of the festering negativity but to sweat it out in the gym or let it consume him. 

Yuta thought he knew what he was getting into when he went to the auditions, when he signed the contract, when he moved his entire life and future to Korea. After all, SM are famously brutal with their trainees, but Yuta wanted to sign with the best. He tells himself that even if he did know what he was really getting into; the gruelling hours, the incessant nannies and the ruling of what feels like every second of his life, the secrecy and the lying and the omissions, that he would still do it so there’s no use dwelling on it. But it doesn’t stop him. 

He gets up and rummages through his wardrobe until he finds his gym bag and stuffs whatever practice clothes that look clean into it, needing to get out and lose himself in action. 

On the way out of the dorm he passes Mark’s room.

He considers asking Mark to come with him. It would be nice to have some company, someone to keep him from going back down the hole of his thoughts. He hesitates outside the door, then walks on, out into the stairwell. 

Mark doesn’t need to see him like this. Not yet, anyway. Not when Yuta can’t quite control it. He already has so much responsibility and pressure on his shoulders, he doesn’t want to add to it. It’s not a serious problem anway and there’s nothing he could do but fret and worry and put himself in the hole with Yuta. 

In the end his logic brain wins out and he stops to find Johnny, figuring that with the way he’s been hitting the gym lately to bulk up for the comeback that he’ll be up for an extra session. He doesn’t think it’s for the best to be alone with his thoughts right now, but he doesn’t want to talk them out and he doesn’t want to have to put on a face for anyone. Johnny seems like the perfect option with his weird empath superpowers, and Yuta trusts him to be the quiet presence he needs without being too distant.

Johnny comes with him, and in the end Yuta is glad for the company when his muscles are sore and his shirt is soaked through with sweat, his mind empty other than trying to remember how to breathe. 

The next day Yuta wakes up and beyond the stiffness of his legs when he tries to get out of bed, he realises he’s been selfish. 

He wasn’t wrong; it is unfair that they don’t get a Christmas when everyone else seems to, but he has it far better than some of the members. 

Yuta can go to the airport and catch a flight and be home with his parents in less than three hours. Johnny and Mark’s parents are on the other side of the world. And, when he thinks about it, the fact that they got to go to Chicago and Vancouver on the Superhuman tour makes it harder for them this year, not easier. All of the little things they forgot while they’ve been away, the routines and the faces replaced by ones from Seoul, are all fresh again. They’ve seen their parents when they came to visit them during breaks, but they haven’t seen  _ home _ .

Between 127 and the Dreamies they work out that they can have their own mini Christmas on the 21st. They both have the day off to rest after an intense rehearsal schedule and the day after they only have final fittings and a quick walkthrough before they start shows on the 23rd. 

Once they decide on it Yuta feels himself brighten again, almost back to normal. He loves his work, he loves the burn at the end of a day of dancing, loves feeling how effortless their synchronisation onstage is when they’re all feeling it, loves the energy they create with the audiences. 

Most of all he fucking loves his friends, his brothers, and if he can’t spend Christmas with his birth family then at least he’s spending it with his found family. 

He already has gifts for everyone, but he keeps something back for Mark to give him later. He has something for Johnny as well, just something to help him keep home with him here. Yuta, more than any of the other boys, knows what it’s like to be in a different country when all you want to be is Home. 

He buys Mark a scented candle set that smells like Canada, with a special one that smells of Stanley Park, and for Johnny he blows up the photo of him, Johnny, and Taeyong in the Hancock tower. He wraps them in different paper to the wrapping he used for everyone else, ready to leave them in their rooms while they’re distracted to be opened when they’re alone. 

They’re tokens, more than anything, but he knows that they’ll see the thought behind it if nothing else. 

Once the post-Christmas lull passes—and after a rushed weekend back home to see his family that he just managed to squeeze in—the preparations for the comeback ramp up fiercely and Yuta barely has the energy to keep up with his plan anymore. It feels like they’re being worked until they’re half in the ground, but after months of going over the same routines again and again it’s pretty nice to be learning something new. 

Yuta can’t switch his head off in the dance studio and let his muscle memory take over, though. He has to watch what everyone is doing, actively think about the next step in the sequence, the next transition in the choreography. He has to learn new lines, working on the enunciation of the words until his tongue wraps around the lyrics properly. 

It’s good, this is what he became an idol for; to push his abilities further and further, to express himself in new ways, to use his body and his voice to inspire fans. 

But it’s hard as well, and his muscles ache in new ways after every practice session. He feels wrung out, like being so present inside his own head for so long every day has sapped any remaining energy he had left over after they finished for the day. 

Yuta has always been a quiet person. He’s not shy and he doesn’t often get nervous, he just likes to watch people. He likes to learn how they move and speak and think, and he can’t do that if he’s always trying to be the loudest person in the room. 

The boys know this. They’ve been living with each other for over five years as a group, and around each other for even longer than that as trainees. But apparently he’s been more quiet than usual, because suddenly it’s his turn to be the one everyone is worried about. 

He’s totally fine, is the thing. He had a bit of a dip around Christmas, but now that they’re working on something new and he’s had a chance to recharge by being in Japan, even if only for a day or two, he feels like he’s back to normal. 

Yuta tries to tell them that when he has Johnny taking over his water refilling duties or Jaehyun sneaking him energy bars while the managers aren’t around, when Jungwoo is tangling their legs together on the sofa like a little octopus and refusing to let go. Even Taeil keeps shooting him glances when they go to bed at night and Yuta doesn’t bother putting his light on to read because he won’t stay awake long enough to finish the first page. 

It’s not enough to convince them though, and eventually he has Mark and Taeyong cornering him in his room when they’ve come back after a relatively easy day of fittings. 

“Yuta,” Mark says as he walks into the bedroom. Yuta can see Taeyong over his shoulder, his eyes wide and concerned, sparkling in the light. “We need to talk.” 

Yuta is alone in his room, Taeil having left with some muttered excuse about getting coffee with Johnny about ten minutes ago and Yuta suddenly realises that they’ve planned this. He feels a little flutter in his stomach and he’s not sure if it’s nerves because of how serious they look or a strange kind of satisfaction that they care about him enough to stage some kind of intervention wellness check. Not that he ever doubted that they love him, but it’s always nice to see such an overt display. 

They come in with a nod from Yuta and he pulls himself up to sit against his headboard, legs crossed in front of him. He expects them both to sit at the end of the bed but Mark surprises him by pushing Yuta across the mattress enough for him to sit beside him. 

“We’re not ambushing you or anything,” Taeyong says, and his eyes somehow get bigger, like that wasn’t what he meant to start with. Yuta smiles kindly at him. Taeyong fusses over them more than their own mothers sometimes, and Yuta knows that he doesn’t like direct confrontations like this so someone else has obviously orchestrated this. 

“Everyone else wanted to talk to you,” Mark nudges his shoulder with his arm, “but we thought it might be too much so Yong stopped them.” 

Yuta looks at Taeyong and sees him pull a hopeful smile that Yuta couldn’t stop himself from returning even if he tried. 

“Talk to me about what?” He says, looking at both of them in turn. He knows what they want to talk to him about, but he figures if he immediately starts protesting by telling them that he’s fine he’ll just look defensive and it’ll worry them more.

They’re quiet for a moment, both watching each other like they don’t know who’s going to speak first, before Taeyong opens his mouth.

“Are you okay?” he says, and reaches out to cup Yuta’s knee with his hand. Mark makes a noise next to him and Yuta’s pretty sure that whatever plan they came up with to approach the topic, this wasn’t how they meant to start it. 

Yuta huffs a laugh, covering Yong’s hand with his own. 

“I thought that’s what this would be about,” he says, and Taeyong frowns in confusion. It makes his lips pout slightly and Yuta is hit with a wave of affection for this ridiculous boy. 

“You’re just—” Mark starts and then frowns again before he readjusts his position to be able to wrap his fingers around the wrist of Yuta’s free hand, “you’re so quiet lately, like more than normal. We just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m fine, Markie,” Yuta smiles, and he knows Mark doesn’t believe him. He twists his wrist in Mark’s grip a little until Mark loosens his fingers, then lets them slip down until they’re holding hands.

His stomach flips at finally being able to hold Mark’s hand. It’s a stupid, silly thing to feel, especially when he wants far more from Mark than just to hold his hand, but it still makes him warm inside. He’d purposely avoided Mark’s hands for a reason, and now that he gets to feel Mark’s fingers threading through his he knows it was worth it. 

When he pulls his eyes away from their hands he looks up at Mark’s face and smiles again, as bright as he can manage.

“I promise I’m okay,” he says, quiet but content, before he looks back to Taeyong, “honestly.” 

“There’s nothing that’s stressing you out?” he asks, and Yuta shakes his head.

“Nothing that’s too much?” 

Yuta shakes his head again.

“Something we’re not doing for you?” Taeyong tries again.

Yuta laughs, and takes Taeyong’s hand in his as well. 

“I didn’t feel great over Christmas,” he tells them, and watches their faces move between the satisfaction that they were right about something bothering him and then sadness that he’s been upset for so long. 

There’s still a warmth in his chest, from Mark holding his hand and from how loved he feels, but there’s also a twist of guilt that he’s made them worry. He never wants to worry any of them, not when they all have so much to deal with. Especially Mark and Taeyong, when he can see the bruises beneath their eyes. 

“But I went home and I rested and spent time with you guys and now I’m okay again.” 

Yong’s eyes go a little glassy, and Yuta feels another rush of affection for how big his heart is and how much he feels his emotions. He doesn’t think they could ever have chosen a better leader for their little ragtag group, or anyone that would care more about each and everyone of them than Taeyong. 

“You’re really okay?” Mark asks, his other hand folding over the back of Yuta’s so that it’s sandwiched between them. 

“I’m okay,” he smiles again, and pulls them both in for a hug. 

The others find them like that a while later when they finally come to check to see that the intervention is going okay, and Yuta gets to spend the rest of the night surrounded by a pile of boys that was too big to fit on his poor bed and spilled onto the floor. They’re all ridiculous and Yuta loves them so very much, especially the small one tucked into Yuta’s side that refused to move once their little cuddle pile started expanding. 

After that things go back to normal, but a new normal. Johnny keeps inviting him to go on runs and hikes, sometimes with whoever else is around and sometimes just the two of them together, to quiet little spots with a backpack full of snacks and water. Jungwoo starts playing with his hair as it grows out, brushing and braiding it and combing it out with his fingers. Haechan starts cuddling up with him any time there’s a millimetre of space beside him on the couch. 

It’s so unnecessary, like they think they have to prove to him how much they love him, but he enjoys it too much to tell them they don’t have to do it. 

Mark especially is doubling down on the affection. Before it was Yuta touching him, desensitising him, and now it’s like the roles have reversed and it’s always Mark touching him. Little brushes of their hands or pats on the back or the shoulder, just to let Yuta know that he’s there. 

It’s driving him slowly insane, this tease of what he wants more than anything, and evidence of how well his plans are going. 

So he enacts Stage Four of the plan; focussed touches. 

Now that Mark has started touching Yuta more, it’s easy enough to do; he just moves Mark’s hand to where he wants it to be. Simple as that.

When they’re having a movie night and Johnny leaves enough space between him and Mark for Yuta to crawl into, it's easy enough to lift Mark’s arm up and wrap it around his waist. When he puts his arm around Yuta for a picture together and he rests his hands on Yuta’s ribs, he moves it down to his hip. When he squeezes Yuta’s shoulder, Yuta just catches his hand to pull it around his neck. 

Mark gives him little looks when he does it sometimes, but Yuta just smiles back at him until Mark shakes his head and goes back to whatever he was doing. 

He doesn’t push it too far, he only ever does it when it’s not going to cause problems for either of them or the rest of the group, and he only ever puts Mark’s hands in Safe Places. He’s not about to wrap Mark’s hand around his throat or down his pants, although sometimes he does imagine what would happen if he did, under the cover of the darkness and the sheets on his bed. 

It takes a little while, but he does eventually start noticing Mark getting the hint and making room for Yuta wherever he is, whether it’s lifting his arm up for Yuta to cuddle under it or hugging him from behind when he’s not expecting it. He catches on faster than he did when it was Yuta touching him, and the confidence in his movements and the way he’ll squeeze Yuta’s wrist or his hip makes Yuta’s head spin. It’s all Mark, all his choices and his instincts, but it was Yuta that opened him up to the concept.

But, Yuta thinks, the more Mark gives him the more he wants from him. It’s so greedy and ungrateful that he covets Mark’s attention as much as he does, but he can’t help it. Every night when he goes to bed he replays all of the ways Mark’s skin touched his own, the ways Mark sought him out specifically, the way Mark’s eyes held his for a beat longer than was necessary. 

He can’t keep jerking off to fantasies of Mark finally having his way with Yuta though, so he channels his energy into more productive things. Johnny is still working on bulking up for Kick It and he starts joining him for sessions. 

Yuta can’t follow Johnny’s workout without practically killing himself in the process, which he discovers the first time he tries to match his lifts. So he sticks with cardio and sit ups, watching Johnny’s reps from the treadmill. 

Objectively speaking Johnny is fucking gorgeous. He’s the whole package; funny, hot, intelligent in both head and heart. If Yuta wasn’t so gone for Mark he probably would have been burning a candle for Johnny instead. But things are the way they are, and Yuta enjoys their time together. 

“So you and Mark then?” 

He enjoys their time together, Yuta revises, when Johnny isn’t using that intelligence against him. 

“Me and Mark,” Yuta says neutrally, panting a little after jogging for the last ten minutes. 

Johnny drops his weights back in the rack for a break and sits on a bench, towelling his neck. 

“You’ve been getting pretty close lately, huh?” 

Johnny has that little smile that makes him look like a cat that’s hidden something you don’t want to find in the worst possible place for you to find it.

Yuta hums in response, fiddling with the incline controls on the treadmill so he doesn’t have to look at Johnny’s horrible smug face. He takes back what he said about him being hot. 

“Seems to me like Mark has a little bit of a crush.” 

Yuta opens his mouth to respond, then his brain catches up with what Johnny actually said and he stumbles a little. 

“Mark… has a crush?” He asks, hoping the weird strain of his voice can be dismissed as being from the running. 

That’s when it hits him. All of this, everything he’s been doing, and he never really considered what would happen when they reached the crossroads of friendship and moving towards something else. Like, he doesn’t even know if Mark actually likes guys, and even if he does, that’s not to say he’d like Yuta like that. 

He’s been a bit stupid, really. Hmm. 

“You’re telling me you haven’t noticed the way he is with you? He’s not chill in the slightest, he’s been all over you.” Johnny’s stupid face is still grinning, like this is the most fun he’s ever had. 

Yuta fiddles with the button and reduces the speed of the treadmill by a few levels. 

“We’re all touchy, Johnny,” he tries, and Johnny laughs at him. 

“Yeah, we are. But Mark isn’t.” He watches Yuta jog and shows no signs that he’s going to do the merciful thing and drop it. 

Yuta turns off the treadmill and dabs at his face with the towel he’d hung over the bike next to him. 

“Well,” he says, “yeah, he has been a bit more touchy since Christmas,” not willing to put himself in Johnny’s range. He shakes himself a little at that. Johnny isn’t cruel, he just likes to entertain himself. 

He walks over and sits on the weight bench. 

“So have you,” Johnny smiles, his eyes bright, and Yuta feels himself deflate. There’s no point pretending. 

“Yeah, I have. He’s just… he’s Mark, you know?” Yuta sighs, combing his fingers through his hair to keep it off his face. 

“I know, bud. Just be careful with him, you know he’s sensitive.” 

“‘Be careful’? Jesus, Johnny. I’m not just trying to get laid,” Yuta bristles, and Johnny smiles kindly.

“I know, I know. I just mean don’t lead him on with all the touches and the smiles if you don’t mean it like he does.” 

Like he does. Like Mark does. Yuta’s brain is melting slightly. 

“So he… likes it?” he asks, hating how small and hopeful he sounds. 

Johnny laughs again, patting himself once more with the towel before he stands up and offers Yuta his hand to pull himself up.

“Yes, Yuta, he does.” 

And just like that, Yuta has an ally. Someone who knows what’s going on and more than that, has given Yuta the terrifying and precious gift that is the knowledge that Mark likes him. 

Although it does mean that he has to endure Johnny’s knowing smirks and winks every time Mark turns his back, and Yuta is starting to reconsider every nice thing he’s ever said about John Jun Suh. He’s a fucking menace. 

But then the next time they go on one of their late night gym sessions to blow off steam he brings Mark along, and Yuta doesn’t know if he should punch Johnny or kiss him. 

Either way he has to watch Mark sweat and pant along with him and Johnny, and he feels Mark’s eyes on him when he thinks that Yuta isn’t looking. It’s a confidence boost to know that all of this time Mark has been looking back at him, has been enjoying his little schemes as much as Yuta, but it’s also added an odd kind of pressure, like he has to get everything right now. There isn’t as much room for trial and error as there was when Yuta thought he was just throwing things at the wall to see what stuck. 

Johnny finds some kickboxing pads in one of the storage cupboards in the gym and decides to teach himself how to be a coach by watching videos on YouTube. Mark and Yuta, naturally, are his guinea pigs. 

He knows that Johnny doesn’t know any of the steps of Yuta’s plan beyond what he’s seen in the dorms, but Yuta can’t deny that the kickboxing gives him the perfect way to ease Mark into some more forceful contact. 

Yuta wants Mark to touch him with purpose and affection, but beyond that he wants Mark to touch him with force. It’s not what his plan is about and yet at the same time, it absolutely is. Him getting Mark to touch him, to make decisions for him, to stop holding him up as his untouchable hyung, it’s all been to get Mark used to the idea of taking control, of taking Yuta’s control. 

He dreams of the way Mark’s hands would look like pinning his wrists to the bed, the way they would feel tilting Yuta’s head at just the right angle to take his cock, the way they would taste in his mouth. He wants Mark to take that control, to take Yuta’s body, and use it how he wants. 

Yuta wants soft kisses and touches as much as he wants bruises and bites. 

This, he figures, is the best way for Mark to try it out without knowing that’s what he’s doing. If he’s freaked out by the idea of hitting Yuta when he’s wearing gloves and Yuta has pads then he’s probably not going to be into the idea of hitting Yuta without them. Maybe not ever, but maybe after a while when he understands Yuta a little better.

He clings to that hope. 

So thanks to Johnny’s weird idea of being a wingman he finds himself in the gym across from Mark late on a Friday night wearing pads on his arms and telling Mark to punch him harder. 

He knows for a fact that if their manager saw them he’d chew them out for the rest of the night and into the next morning in case they injure themselves this close to the comeback. But none of them are being overly stupid, and Johnny has actually put a lot of time into learning the basics to walk them through. 

“Mark, you need to follow through on your punches,” Johnny says, grabbing Mark’s hand and pulling it into Yuta’s left pad and pushing him until he gets it, “stop pulling them before they actually connect.” 

Mark lets Johnny repeat the example with his left hand, crossing it over to hit Yuta’s right pad. He looks stricken for a second, eyes wide when they look at Yuta, and Yuta takes pity on him. 

“Look how thick these things are, Markie,” he says, gesturing with his pads, “even if you hit me full force you’re not going to hurt me, so hit properly.” 

Mark nods and he braces himself again, ready for Mark to throw a couple of jabs. Johnny stands behind Mark to watch him and catches Yuta’s eye. 

Yuta kind of hates Johnny thinking he knows what’s going on and kind of loves it at the same time, especially when he keeps telling Mark to do it harder every time, over and over until the force of his punches rattles up Yuta’s arms into his shoulders and makes him grin. 

“There you go, now you’re getting it,” he smiles, dancing on his toes a little while Mark continues to jab at him.

“Try the hooks now that you’re punching properly,” Johnny says, and claps his hands on Mark’s shoulders to pull him in for a brief squeeze. Yuta readjusts his positioning and braces himself, grinning at both of them. 

It ends up being a pretty fun session. 

In the end, he thinks in the shower afterwards when they’re back at the dorm, he doesn’t actually know what he wants to accomplish with the boxing. Maybe it’s about trying to help Mark trust his own strength, or maybe just to trust Yuta’s strength. He wants Mark to realise that he doesn’t always have to be gentle with him, that Yuta is big enough and clever enough to know what he wants, even if to the untrained eye it looks like it’d be bad for him. 

Yuta knows what he likes, and Mark needs to be able to have the confidence in both Yuta and himself to respect that if they ever get a chance to explore that side of Yuta together. 

More than anything he wants to nurture that budding comfort with himself and self-assurance in his own abilities that they can all see so clearly inside Mark without overriding the innate sweetness of his personality. And to that end Yuta never tries to make Mark hit him or to be firmer with his hands when they’re outside of the gym. 

Because that’s not all he wants from Mark. It’s not like he just wants Mark to beat him up. Well, his logical brain doesn’t want that, but his hindbrain is another matter entirely.

In reality, though, he’s not trying to groom Mark to be his personal dom, although he is trying to make Mark more open to the kind of things that would involve by breaking some of those useless associations like hierarchy and the distance it brings before they ever get to the point of it being an issue. Just to expedite things a little.

Even if Mark doesn’t actually want to try anything like that with Yuta, or even to be with Yuta in any way other than a friendship, Yuta is happy that anything he does as part of The Plan is going to make them closer as friends. More like equals.

He hopes that by trusting Mark to know his own mind and body without any stupid socialised conceptions in the way that he’ll trust Yuta more too, in any way he needs, in every way he needs. 

That’s why the first thing he tried to show Mark was that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes and take what he needs from people, and even moreso when it’s freely given with love and respect. Even if they don’t go down the road Yuta hopes they will, it’s a lesson that will stand Mark in good stead for the rest of his life, particularly in an industry that loves to take and take and take from people until they have nothing left and spit them out as soon as they’re done being useful, and especially when Mark has already been singled out to bear the weight of representing the industry on too young shoulders. 

So when it’s just the two of them, he still puts Mark’s hands on him. On his hip, his waist, around his neck, and Mark lets him do it. He starts pre-empting Yuta’s little adjustments sometimes, mostly when they’re hanging out with the others and he probably assumes it’s better to just do it himself and it’ll draw less annoyingly knowing looks from Johnny. Or smirks from Jaehyun, because Johnny has a big mouth when he’s excited over something. 

And things carry on as normal. They film the video for Kick It and about a thousand different versions of the reaction video once the team finishes editing it. 

They go out to eat, they practice, they squeeze in more clandestine gym sessions. Mark drags him shopping for another birthday, his dad’s this time, and Yuta makes him come with him to get his belly button pierced. 

He’s been thinking about it for a while, but it’s been in his head since the moment he had the first fitting for his Kick It outfit. He loves the idea of having something pretty there, but nothing too flashy or gaudy, just a simple bar maybe with a gem, in the bottom closure. It’s one of those things that he’s not actively planning, but then they get told they’re having a week of downtime with minimal practices to rest up for promo and music shows the week after, and suddenly his mind is made up. Their manager tells them in no uncertain terms to stop sneaking off for late night workouts with an extremely pointed look at Johnny, Mark, and Yuta. He figures it’s the best time to do it and probably the most time he’ll get to heal it for a good few months, so why not.

He does a little bit of research to find the highest rated piercing studio that’s not too far from the dorms and finds a way to steer their shopping trip towards it. He doesn’t tell Mark about it before he’s tugging on his arm and leading him down the stairs, and all he can do is smile when Mark shoots him a panicked look and asks why they’re going here of all places.

Yuta pulls him over to the display case with all of the belly bars laid out to look over the choices. There are some truly tacky ones, like ones with little diamante marijuana leaves and playboy bunnies, but there are some nice ones too with patterns on them and in different colours. 

“Which one do you think is the nicest?” He asks Mark, squeezing Mark’s wrist that he still has a hold of. 

“I like the one with the green gem,” Mark says idly, like he hasn’t really understood why Yuta is asking. 

“Neo green,” Yuta smiles, pulling Mark away from the case towards the counter, “good choice.” 

Mark whips around to stare at Yuta, eyes bulging, as Yuta asks the woman on the counter for the next available appointment. 

Once he’s signed the forms he climbs up on the bench and lays himself out, hands above his head. He feels exposed like that, even though the piercer has only pushed his T-shirt up a little. He purposely wore low riding jeans knowing where he was coming and that he didn’t want his belt catching against it for the rest of the day. 

He tilts his head on the headrest to look over at Mark, grinning at him again, and Mark manages a weak smile in return. Yuta’s stomach flips at the thought of Mark’s eyes on him, watching him getting pierced. He anticipates the blunt pain of the needle going through and the burn afterwards and can’t stop a little thrill of excitement that runs up his spine. It’s not like he’s about to pop a boner on the table but he feels like it wouldn’t take much to get him there either. 

He takes a breath in, the needle goes through, and he breathes out again. Then he turns to Mark and sees the colour drain from his face and any kind of lingering heat in his belly is gone.

Afterwards Yuta takes him to a smoothie shop a few stores down and buys him something sugary, because he’s still white as a sheet and the whole time the piercer was putting the jewellery in, Mark looked like he was about to faint or throw up or both. He selflessly lets Mark holds his hand while he pulls himself together and only enjoys it a little bit, since he does kind of feel bad for making Mark come with him even though he didn’t know he was scared of needles. At least Yuta knows why he never got his ears pierced now. 

On the way out he gets them both an iced americano to go and buys one of the little packets of brownies on the counter to share as a last apology to Mark. What their trainers don’t know won’t hurt them, he figures.

After their bye week there’s another flurry of activity with the amount of music shows they’re booked to perform on and how many people there seem to be around them constantly. Most of their days are spent there, moving between rehearsals and make up before they’re on live. By the time they get back to the dorm, they shove whatever food is closest to hand into their mouths and go to bed, ready for the same thing the next day. 

It’s when they start getting to the fun parts of promo that Stage Five of the plan is executed. In all honesty, Yuta wasn’t really sure there was a Stage Five. Five is just an arbitrary number that sounded good in his head. It’s not like he’s really planned this out more than just giving numbers to things he probably would have done anyway, but it made it sound good so he went with it. 

Stage Five, as it turns out, is essentially taking every possible opportunity to flirt as much as he can with Mark. Like he said, it’s things he already does, just amplified and concentrated. 

Yuta feels like he flirts with Mark all the time, but at this point it’s pretty fair to say that Mark is used to it. It’s probably background noise to him now, so Yuta needs to step it up a few notches. 

The amount of variety shows 127 are booked on for this promo period give him the perfect opportunity to go all out.

He touches Mark unnecessarily all the time, he chooses him for team games, and always makes Mark his answer in any game where he has to name a member no matter what it is. He makes it look like he’s just playing up for the camera and for the fans, and it’s easy enough to pull off; he’s always been about the fanservice. 

In reality he’s often used fan service as an excuse to get a little bit of what he wants with the members, but no one outside of the group needs to know that. 

To start with Mark laughs it off, a little awkward and all too aware of the cameras surrounding him, but as they go on from show to show he starts to loosen up and play along a little. He doesn't immediately laugh or look away when Yuta stares at him anymore. So much so that when they play shout in silence and Yuta uses it as an excuse to blow kisses and wink at him without paying attention to the actual game, Mark just carries on and doesn’t even blink. 

Then they go on Weekly Idol to play the facial window and Mark takes him up on his whispered aside to do the sexy expression with each other. Mark hooks his leg around Yuta’s knees and holds Yuta’s face in his hands, and Yuta finds himself breathing in sharply at how quickly Mark has one-upped him. 

“Maybe I should be the one calling you Hyung,” Yuta whispers in Mark’s ear, turning his head towards him so that his lips barely brush against the shell of Mark’s ear, “since you’re apparently an old hand at this.” 

He says it just loud enough for him to hear but hopefully not to be picked up by the mics, but the rattling breath Mark lets out is fully audible. Yuta smiles to himself. Mark might be playing along now, but he’s not quite on Yuta’s level yet. 

They fall into a kind of routine after that. Yuta throws down the gauntlet and Mark picks it up just to throw it back down for Yuta to take up, over and over again until one of them starts laughing and then they’re useless for the rest of the interview. Mark pulls him down to sit in his lap during a live, Yuta squeezes Mark’s ass in full view of the cameras. Mark chooses Jungwoo for the secret question game and throws Yuta a knowing look, so Yuta acts like a heartbroken lover for as long as people keep laughing at the joke. Mark calls him cute and Yuta calls him handsome. 

It goes back and forth so much that Yuta almost forgets he’s flirting with a purpose until they’re playing King and Yuta pulls out the slip of paper that says Pepero game. He knows he’s going to choose Mark the second he sees it, there isn’t any possibility where he wouldn’t choose him for this. There’s a second of doubt where Yuta thinks that maybe it’s a bit too much, but it passes as soon as it comes. Yuta has taught Mark better than to crumble at something like this by now. 

Yuta promises him that he’ll hold still, and stares Mark dead in the eye when he tells him that it’s up to Mark to set the pace. He holds Mark’s eyes for longer than he needs to, just to make sure that Mark knew he was only partially talking about the stupid Pepero game. And as much fun as it would be to go back on his promise and use it to handily one-up Mark by kissing him on camera and playing it off as a joke, he keeps his promise. 

Just like he was only partially talking about the game when he said Mark could set the pace, him promising to stay still is about more than just the game too. It’s about showing Mark that he means what he says and that he’ll follow Mark’s lead. 

Really, it’s probably stupid to overthink a stupid game so much, but right now it feels more like a metaphor for their whole relationship dynamic right now, especially the way Mark is watching him with surprisingly dark eyes as he comes towards him with the stick in his mouth. 

In the end Mark does crumble and pulls away before Yuta’s barely taken a second bite of it. He laughs, Mark laughs, everyone else laughs, but Mark shoots him another look across the backs of everyone who’s still laughing on the floor and Yuta looks back. They both know that was about more than the game, theirs or the actual game they were meant to be playing. 

When he thinks about it later, that’s the moment he knew it was time to really hand the reins over to Mark. Yuta has done what he can to eliminate some of the more obvious barriers between them and to show Mark that they could be more if he wanted to be, but there’s only so much Yuta can do. 

He’s not sad or angry, he’s just being realistic. Because as much as he’d like to think that he could have Mark fall into his arms, or rather, Mark letting Yuta fall into Mark’s arms, that wasn’t really the end goal of the plan. 

The end goal is up to Mark to decide. Yuta knows how he feels about Mark, that was never in doubt. It wasn’t an experiment for him to see if he wanted something a bit more intense with Mark, or to see if Mark was compatible with Yuta’s tastes, because he knew that going in. 

It’s about helping Mark to make an informed choice without the pressure or the burden. 

Yuta isn’t going to stop playing with Mark, but he is going to stop pushing. Yuta can’t make Mark like him the way Yuta likes Mark, and he can’t make Mark take the first step to acknowledging it if he ever does feel like that. All he can do is show Mark that Yuta is happy with whatever Mark will give him.

If Mark wants to be friends and only friends, then Yuta is happy being his friend. If Mark wants to be friends but to maintain that tension between them, then Yuta will happily keep taking up any challenge Mark gives him. If Mark wants to fool around, then Yuta will be there for him to find out where his interests lie, even if it might hurt him in the short term. If Mark wants to be together then Yuta will possibly briefly expire from happiness but he’ll be there wholeheartedly. 

He’ll be a little upset if Mark doesn’t return his feelings, it’d be impossible not to be, but it wouldn’t ever stand in the way of their friendship, because they’re friends before they’re anything else. Best friends, even. And Yuta wouldn’t ever let his greed for more get in the way of that. 

And so for the next few days they circle around each other. Yuta doesn’t push and Mark doesn’t pull. He comes to Yuta’s room to show him a new album he found that he thinks Yuta would like, and Yuta stays still on his bed and lets Mark choose where to sit. He sits with his side pressed against Yuta, but he doesn’t put his hands on him. Neutral ground. 

They have to stay close because Mark has brought his wired earbuds and the wire between them isn’t very long, so when Yuta turns to comment on the song he’s playing his face is surprisingly close to Mark’s, but neither of them acknowledge it. 

When Johnny rounds them up to start their little fight club sessions again they find that the gym is locked, so they go for a run instead, just around a few blocks and back. It’s not worth risking any further in the dark and in the middle of the night. 

It continues like that until Mark comes back from a secret convenience store run a few days later. Yuta is in the kitchen foraging for something that won’t ruin his diet but is nicer to eat than the same salad and nothing he’s been eating for the last week. 

He hears plastic bags rustling and turns around to see Mark, who looks like he’s just been caught in the middle of breaking and entering. They watch each other across the kitchen island for a minute before Mark coughs and straightens up, trying to look like he hadn’t just been caught red-handed.

“And what have you got there? I hope you’re sharing,” Yuta smiles, eyeing the bag held tight in Mark’s fist. 

Mark watches him for a second before he returns the smile.

“Maybe. What’s in it for me?” he asks, his smile dipping at one side to turn into a little smirk that makes Yuta’s hands itch to touch. 

“Is my undying love and gratitude not enough for you? Kids these days are so ungrateful, is that any way to treat your Hyung?”

“I thought you didn’t want me to call you Hyung,” Mark says. His voice is low and god,Yuta honestly loves him. His little Mark, gone from being so shy to this, calling Yuta out and so rightly without any hesitation. 

“I don’t, no. But I do want to know what you’ve got in the bag.” 

Mark’s eyes have the same darkness to them that Yuta has seen before as Mark walks around the island to stand in front of him. He rummages in the bag and pulls out a box before he dumps the bag and whatever else is in it on the countertop. 

“Look what I found,” He says, almost a whisper, and holds the box up for Yuta to read and shakes it a little so that Yuta can hear the rattle of whatever it is.

It’s hard to see what it is at first in the low light of the kitchen. Yuta hadn’t switched on any lights on his way to hunt for food and neither had Mark.

He has to catch Mark’s wrist to stop him from shaking it before he actually realises what it is. It’s a box of Pepero.

Yuta flicks his eyes up back to Mark to see that maddening little smirk still on his lips. 

“We didn’t do it very well last time. I think we should try again.” He says calmly, and any embarrassment Yuta felt from assigning so much importance and meaning to the stupid game on a stupid show and thinking of it like a turning point in their relationship disappears, because evidently he’s not the only one. 

“You ‘think’?” Yuta asks, needing to know if this means what he thinks it means. 

“We should try it again.” 

Mark fumbles open the box, never an easy task at the best of times, and Yuta watches him tear open the foil and pull one out. He moves closer when Mark bites the biscuit part and tilts his head up in clear invitation. 

“Should I hold still again?” Yuta asks. He doesn’t know why he’s hesitating so much, but he needs it to be crystal clear.

Mark grunts out a no. Yuta swallows. 

He steps closer and Mark catches his wrist and wraps his fingers around it, using it to pull him in closer. Yuta opens his mouth and takes the first bite, stepping closer to take another. 

Once he’s in range Mark’s free hand lands on Yuta’s hip softly and Yuta has to take a second to breathe. He feels like a maiden in a period drama all of a sudden, overcome by the tiniest contact between them. 

The hand on Yuta’s wrist continues to pull so he moves closer again, taking a few more smaller bites. He rests his hand on Mark’s chest so he can lean in for the last few bites without invading Mark’s space too much and then Mark finally moves. 

There’s only one, maybe two bites of the stick left, and Mark takes them quickly, pulling the remaining nub away from Yuta into his mouth. 

Then Yuta feels soft lips against his own and stops breathing. Mark pulls insistently at his hip until he takes another step closer and the lips against his own press harder, moving slightly as Mark tilts his head to get a better angle. 

Mark is kissing him.

Yuta doesn’t move until Mark lets go of his wrist and brings it up to cup Yuta’s jaw and pull him in, and then any hesitation Yuta had is evaporated and he kisses back, half desperate. 

He’s thought of it for so long, planned out every scenario and eventuality, daydreamed about it and it’s nothing compared to feeling Mark’s lips against his own. 

He didn’t think they’d be quite as chapped, or as cold from the wind outside, and Mark is a lot less confident in the kiss than he’d seemed when he pulled Yuta in. It’s still better than anything Yuta could have imagined, because it’s real. 

Mark sucks on Yuta’s bottom lip and Yuta can’t stop himself from letting out a little moan when it hits him all over again that Mark is kissing him. Then Mark squeezes his hip and just like that it’s over, and even though Yuta spent the whole time with fireworks going off in his head he still feels like he didn’t pay close enough attention to memorise every little detail of it. 

It takes him a few seconds before he can open his eyes, and when he does he sees Mark in front of him, just like how he was before the kiss. But now Yuta knows that the sheen on Mark’s lips is from the kiss, just like the little grin playing around the corners of his mouth is too. 

Yuta grins and dips his head to pull himself together for a second before he looks back up. 

“What took you so long?” He says, and he has the pleasure of watching Mark’s grin spread across his face to touch the blush forming on his cheeks that’s visible even in the low light.

And god, he thinks, this is how it’s going to be from now on. He’ll get to be the one to put that smile on Mark’s face, he’ll get to be the one that makes Mark’s lips plump from kissing him too much, he gets to be the one that makes him happy. 

He can’t wait. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!   
> This will definitely be the first part of (hopefully) many in this verse though I can't promise when the next part will happen but rest assured there will be more. 
> 
> Come hang with me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/fascinationstrt) <3


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